12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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