the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
