So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
