When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
