She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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