Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
