she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
