You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
