i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
