Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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