Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
