I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
