I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
