I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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