and you said cock pushups were impossible
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
