they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
