all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You know, be my cock's hype man.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
