I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
