Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
cat food counts as protein by the way
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
