Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
