i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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