He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
