Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
So. Much. Porn.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
