im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
