I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
