Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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