i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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