addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
