ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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