I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You took a bar mat shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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