what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize