sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
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