I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
