as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
