Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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