Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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