last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize