but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
