I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
