I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
