I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize