She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
