): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
