can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just forgot I was standing up.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
