A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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