i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
