i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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