That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
