oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
