in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
