I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
