I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
