I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
