Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
