Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize