dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Randomize
