We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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