thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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