Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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