If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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