i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Panties = found
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
