Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
