This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
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he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
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OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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