Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
