It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize