I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
