i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
