A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
