Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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