Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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