adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
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All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
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How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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