she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
