i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Randomize
